Tuesday, September 29, 2009

32 hours and counting

when I received the letter, I decided to stay up that night.
Controlling that one aspect of my life comforted me. I didn't want to wake up. So, the only answer was to not go to sleep.

I'm drifting.

Right now, I have an inner calm within my chest. but this inner calm is the calm after, or in the eye of the storm. the calm you have after crying, the calm you have after hyperventilating- its not a calm that says things will be alright, but it is a calm nonetheless.

I like calm.

I don't want to sleep. I don't want to dream. I don't want to think of anything.
I just want to sit here, a blank slate for a while.

but yet again, I am neither enjoying this nor hating it.
I am just


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