Childhood

When I was young, I used to imagine that everything I said and did was in the mind of another person. Just a figment of imagination. Now, sometimes I pretend (or rather, worry) that I am a schizophrenic and that everything that happens is all in my head.

Thats probably not the healthiest worry in the world.

Then again, when you come from a family with a background of mental illnesses, its different. Every action has a title. Every word you speak has a double meaning. Every facial expression reveals a part of your soul.

I was never raised to hide things. Its virtually impossible.

Its like my occasional bouts of social awkwardness, or self-righteousness, or just plain outrageousness; its all humiliating, and none of it can be restrained.

I'd like to think its normal. But I'm scared it's not. I'd like to think people do not mind. But I'm scared that they will. Maybe its a serious problem. Maybe I'm secretly insane and no one knows it yet.

Or maybe I'm just that kid who is merely cannot conceive that reality just is.